Friday, January 29, 2010

Well, that settles that, then.

Found out yesterday that I did not receive that fellowship I applied for some months ago, which would have extended my one-term leave this fall to a full academic year. I will here forgo the threnodizing my career, and the desolate lamenting about how it's really the only fellowship that I would ever able to apply for because of my family circumstances (I'm not leaving my kids for 9 months to be in residence somewhere else researching and writing), and the bitching about how much I hate the way this profession breeds in us self-contempt and insecurity and encourages us to train up new generations of scholars in self-contempt and insecurity. Instead, I will simply celebrate that not getting that fellowship made turning down my esteemed colleague's invitation much, much easier. How liberating to say No, and to know with absolute clarity that it was the responsible answer and not a cop-out. Back to the mantra: NOTHING BUT THE BOOK.

(After the term ends, that is.)

7 comments:

Ink said...

I'm sorry about the fellowship.

But congratulations on the NO!

Nothing But The Book: hear, hear! It will be SO worth it when you've finished.

Happy Writing!

Lisa B. said...

Exactly what I was about to say, Ink--damn about that fellowship, huzzah about the no. I need to get me some of that. (huzzah about the no, that is)

Blue Cheese said...

They are idiots. And you are not. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Dame Eleanor Hull said...

There just aren't enough fellowships for those of us who need to stay home. Sorry to hear about that--but yes, say no to the essay, and yes to your book, and good luck with your leave.

Leslie said...

bummer about the fellowship. This won't help this year, but you (and/or Neruda) should think about the Amy Clampitt fellowship--up to a year, Things welcome, lovely house in New England, generous stipend, all for poets.

Renaissance Girl said...

Alas, Leslie, no can do--can't take the kids away from their dad for that long, either. We all move in lock-step for the next 13 years or so.

Lexy and Jared said...

I'm proud of you for 1) being able to say no and 2) repeating the mantra. Nothing but the book! You can do it! And we both know that if I were in charge of the universe, not only would you have received the fellowship, but all peoples would lovingly join your fan club and praise you for the Renaissance Queen that you are.