Saturday, January 29, 2011

Have they reformulated blueberries?, or, A Gastrointestinal Mystery

(NB: This post = way, way TMI. You've been warned.)

I eat mostly fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, nuts and cheese. (It's not a religion, or a fanaticism, I just don't really have a sweet tooth, and I'll happily eat stuff like white-flower tortillas and English muffins, which I make at home though I don't pretend that's for any noble reason: they're just yummier homemade.) (Indeed, all my dietary moves are because I think it's yummier.) And I eat a lot. I also drink a LOT of water.

As you'd expect, I am, as my late grandmother would have put it "very reg'lar." Like, bionic. I poop 5 or 6 times a day, usually. Twice in the morning, once after lunch, once or twice around dinner, and once after I go running. It's a system. Predictable as any other part of my daily schedule.

So why is it that in the past couple of months, I am getting arrested mid-run? Every couple of days, I'll get about three miles into my course, and suddenly I realize that it's Now. Time. To head home. Via the least circuitous route. Possibly walking with controlled breathing toward the end. I haven't changed my diet. I haven't changed my running routine. I haven't changed my sleeping schedule. But my post-run ritual is asserting itself earlier into the program.

I blame Socialists.


ntbw said...

Oh, weird--this exact thing happened to me as well. I used to go before I went running, and no matter how far I was going to run, I'd be fine. Not anymore. Maybe it's age? I too turned 40 pretty recently. Though I like the idea of blaming Socialists better!

For my long runs, I now do multiple loops of a shorter coruse rather than a "there and back" course, so I'll never be too far from home. Yesterday, sure enough, about 4 miles into a 10 mile run, it was time. Luckily, home was less than a mile away. I want to run a half-marathon later this spring, though, and I'm a little worried about that. I assume there will be porta-potties along the course, but I'm definitely going to check first!

Lisa B. said...

Socialists, caring for the greater good as they do, would not do this. It's the capitalists. I could lay it out for you, but I trust you can do that for yourself. You know, since you're apparently a socialist-blamer.

Renaissance Girl said...

Just need to say this to salve my conscience: y'all know that I'm a card-carrying Socialist, right? Got my card right here....

ntbw said...

Heck, I just want to blame someone or something other than my own encroaching decrepitude. Socialists, capitalists, nudists, whatever! So long as it ain't me. Unlikely, though, I admit. While I can manage to blame a good many things on malign outside forces, I expect the inner workings of my body belong to me alone.