Tuesday, August 31, 2010


A poisoned rat from some gross neighbor's backyard cleaning project showed up on my driveway tonight spasming and staggering, and running aggressively at the Things. I freaked. I tried to run it over with the car, but lacked fortitude. Tried again, and just couldn't do it. I called animal control, who responded that they really deal more with "domesticated animals." (Shoulda told them it was my pet rat.) Got transferred to Division of Wildlife, who said that rats were a little small for their notice. Hysterical. Screamed at the rat to get the hell out from behind my growboxes. Kicked the growboxes, kicked the house, screamed unintelligibly at the rat. Screamed at the kids to stay inside, away from the crazy rabid rat. Stalked it with a flashlight, throwing down trashtalk I couldn't possibly have made good. Called my dad, who drove 20 minutes to chop it up with a shovel. I'm a weak, weak, nonselfsufficient homeowner and a shame to the title of mountain girl.

My self-imposed deadline for finishing the bookdraft was August 31. I went on a long camping trip, I got the Things back to school, I had other professional responsibilities, I lost my freaking camera, I got sick and can't shake it. I didn't make the deadline. I don't even care. I'm going to bed.


Lisa B. said...

This is more than a nightmare, it is a full on Horror Story. I hope you feel better soonest.

Moria said...

Darlin', I stayed up half the night freaking out because I thought I might have seen a cockroach in my kitchen. One little lonely cockroach. Don't be beating yourself up about Rabid Rat Kong.

Rest yourself and mend from your illness and give yourself some space to breathe. ♥

Anonymous said...

At one point when I lived away from my husband doing a post-doc, I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and saw a gigantic centipede on the wall in the hallway. My first thought (after muffled screaming) was to go back to bed, shutting the door behind me. Then I realized the centipede could perhaps get under the door. So, rather than just dealing with the centipede, I grabbed towels and stuffed them against the bottom of the closed door. In the morning, I begged my nice neighbor to remove the centipede, which he did. So I totally get it!

e.p. said...

I may not have chopped up the rat with said shovel, but I definitely may have tried to use it to fling the rat very hard at a wall or over a fence. And I most definitely would have been freaked out. Rats are terrifying. Lady and the Tramp taught me that. Glad the foul beast is dead.